What a day...

Today is 30th September 2006, my birthday. But I'm having all the time I need to type this...

What a boring day today is...first time celebrated my birthday in the morning...or rather...it's just a "cutting-cake" and "photo-taking" session... Now the house is left with my father, who's sleeping, and then it's me...

I really don't want today to end just like this...but I guess it can't be help...everyone is busy...

Sigh...perhaps this is just another day...there are ppl who wished me happy birthday...and asked me to enjoy...but I certainly am not enjoying today... Well at least they remember...even though "you" seems to have forgotten...

Sigh...this is no doubt the worst birthday I've ever had...

Thanks
~Kaze

One week passes...

One week had passed and I never really did anything...I'm worried that I will not be able to make it for the review...even though it's just a review and it doesn't give any grade. Sigh...and everytime I felt that it was impossible...you said something that made me confuse...I really want to know what you're thinking. I kept telling myself I'll just concentrate on my work, but yet I'm not. I just have to switch on my computer to check if you're online. I so useless, such a failure. Sigh...I wanted to get up at 7am but instead, I got up on 9am. I'm simply so useless. I just feel like giving up everything...just slack until I die...I just can't achieve what I want. What do I really want? I don't know actually.

Thanks.
~Kaze

And I thought I got over it...

Today(9/9/06) is a day which brought back lots of memories and thoughts...I started the day sleeping till I got the sms asking me out and so I went...I looked forward to meeting you...during the whole time we spent together, I realised I havent really got over u. It's like it bring back some bits and pieces of memories and hope...but remembering what you said stopped me from thinking any further. Though we're not alone... I am kinda glad that we aren't...coz I wouldn't know what to say or talk about. I really wanted to stayed a little longer and as long as possible...even though I know the chances are slim. Sigh... Anyway, I went to meet wei qi after that to go airport for dinner...which reminds me of the first time I went there for dinner with my group of friends which seldom had the chance to meet nowadays...We wanted to go home but on the way back, we thought of going back to Outback restaurant to find our ex-manager Alex. Upon reaching there, it's like a force is pushing me to walk faster to see all the staff I know there...though only few were still working. Seeing each and everyone brought back lots of memories about them...be it happy or sad. But happy times always end faster and soon we had to go home...I really missed working there...But I know it will never be the same even if I go back to work. Sigh...and I'm now writing this in the middle of the night...while everyone is sleeping. I guess I'm one who cannot easily forget things...Listening to those sad music made me even sadder...

Sigh...things are always not how I wanted them to be...why am I such an emotional creature? And things that I like are so damn different with people...made me thinks that I'm such a wierdo...

"Why do I sigh, why don't I try to forget...It must have been that something lovers call faith, kept me saying I had to wait..."

Thanks
~Kaze

An unexpected day...

Yesterday, I was suppose to go to orchard to adjust my glasses alone right after my lecture at 11am...While I was going out of school, wei qi called and asked for help on photoshop...I went to canteen to look for him, thinking that he can accompany me to Orchard after handing in his work at 1pm...However, things didn't turn out quite as I expected. He and his classmates were waiting outside the room they're suppose to meet their teacher, at around 1pm...instead of going to get their work printed out. They were just standing there for about 1 hour until the teacher arrive at 2pm. I waited outside that room...along the corridor, until he came out and ask me to wait at the canteen coz his lecturer is giving a "speech". I walked to the canteen, bought some snacks...and sat down to wait for him...saw another friend, and she waited with me for a while...but she has her own friends too and I know she wanted to go to them. It was not long until he called and told me to wait for him until 4pm when he finally can hand in the project because his lecturer had another class till 4pm. I was so damn angry...and disappointed. I finished the food, washed up, turned and walk my way to take a bus...feeling so...pissed. Why? I just wasted 4 hours without anything done. I proceed to adjust my glasses...I stayed in that store for quite some time until they finally decided to order a new frame for me coz that old one was beyond what they could do...no matter how they adjust, there's still a slight unbalance. I went one level up heeren and saw my sis at Action City...working there. We talked a while and I proceed to cineleisure to see what movies they're showing...coz I asked wei qi if he wants to watch a movie earlier. I had a movie in mind that I wanted to watch, but he didn't want to. I called to tell him and he said okok he'll come down. I went back to Heeren HMV to walk around while waiting for him. He then sms me if his friends could join us. Of coz I said Anything...and wanted him to be faster. But he only replied when I'd walked a few rounds around HMV and was at the entrance...just to say he's already on bus le la. He called a while later asking me to go back to cineleisure to look for him and his friends at Yoshinoya, which is not one of my prefered restaurant to dine in. I ate anyway...coz I didn't actually fill my stomach with food coz he asked to have lunch together while in school. I was already quite unhappy...not to mention his friend suggested to watch "Frostbite", a german vampire movie which I didn't like either. Everyone agreed and so did I. I went into the cinema, thinking that perhaps this show could be nice. But it's actually just a piece of junk. It was scary...it wasn't creepy...it was ridiculously lame and funny instead...I was like, "what the f**k is this show?" The worst thing is it doesn't have a proper ending...and it was very low budget...Omg I just wasted $9.50. We didn't went home straight after that...they went to had roti prata...which was a good thing I didn't eat. They said it tasted like chewing gum. I'm not sure abt the rest, but I kinda dislike one of his friends. He acted like the prata was non-edible...just becoz the wet curry plate was above his prata...and he had to fold the prata and "dry it" by pressing on it. And while he was doing that, he just kept scolding vulgar and kept on..."tsk, tsk..." and said he really dun feel like eating...the curry is cold. I just can't stand it...and before that he was talking bad about me and wei qi...thinking that I didn't heard him just because I was talking to wei qi behind. I just couldn't stand him, though I just kept quiet.

And there it is...One whole day of unexpected, unwanted, unhappy incidents. I didn't reach home on the time expected, I wasted HOURS doing nth, I ate something I didn't like, I watched a movie I didn't want to. I didn't get my glasses, I didn't watch the movie I wanted to watch, I didn't get to eat the food I wanted to, and I was with someone who I can't stand...Sigh, this is indeed the worst day I've had since that day...

Thanks
~Kaze

Simply letting it be...

I felt so much "lighter" after I thought about it and just let it be...Now I can finally concentrate on my work...not like I can stop myself from daydreaming though. I'm really wasting my time man. My friends can't complete their homework because they're playing games...but I just simply sit down, walk around without doing anything...Haha...stupid you might say...but that's just me...I loved that feeling of just simply doing nothing but had a lot in my mind...That's why I sometimes enjoy going out alone...just pure walking and looking...But I eventually got bad breath(hmmm, is this how u spell it?) due to my mouth not opening for the whole day...haha. Anyway, school work is piling up and I'm trying to clear them one by one, but everytime I want to clear the old ones, new ones came in and I had to finish them first...thus, the old ones are always left untouched...Come to think of it, I don't really know how blogs work. I only know how to get to one blog by putting in the link and click that greenish looking "GO" button on my internet explorer...haha. But anyway, it's just a place for me to type out everything I'm feeling at that moment and perhaps one day when I look back, I might even think that it's stupid...but it's ok...because everyone has a stupid side...so do I. :P

Thanks.
~Kaze (lots of works to do...=.=")

Today, it ends?

Today, just a few hours ago...It seems like it's ended. I finally know how you feel all along...Didn't expect I'd had the chance to know...coz it's been quite some time since we talked. But after knowing it...I guess it'll be quite long till we talk again. So...the answer was I wasn't your type...Sigh, I guess I knew it all along, I just didn't want to accept that fact. Knowing you for that amount of time, listening to what you said all the time, I guess I should've knew I wasn't your type. Sigh, at least now I know the answer and am glad you've finally got over that guy. Really hope you will find your special one soon since you wanted it so much now...Yes, I'm sad, really sad...perhaps the saddest day I've had since I first told you I like you. It's painful and it hurts so much...but I know I'll get over it one day...just like you did with him. Hope we're still friends and can talk like before. If I were to choose now, I wouldn't have told you...perhaps it's sweeter that way, just secretly liking you. But I didn't regret telling you either, if you were to ask me. I guess it's the end of my confusion but well, it isn't the end of the world. I'll just concentrate on my work for now...perhaps it's the best way to forget this...painful feeling...Thanks for giving me this long and sweet moment......I'll never forget it. :|

I'm a saddist...what can I say?

True that I'm a saddist coz I'm starting to lose all my optimistism...I can't help but think of everything in the negative way nowadays. I'm starting to lose hope and also giving up perhaps. I know it's impossible...we haven't talked for who knows, how long...I really do miss you but I'm starting to realise perhaps you don't like me from the very beginning...I really wish you would just msg me anything, like you used to...I'll reply to anything....as I always do, but I know even if you msg me the very minute now, it's just as a friend...and you probably got no one else to talk to...sigh...looking at many people around me, all found their special one...I just feel more sad...perhaps it's envy...But since it's impossible...I should just concentrate on my work right now...those stupid homeworks...which I dun even know how they help...My passion towards graphic design is starting to diminish...I've started school for 4 weeks and I've only learnt a few drawing skills in only one of the lesson every week...This sucks...feel cheated...this school isn't that good afterall...sigh...Went to cut my hair the other day...wanted to look better coz I'm losing confidence on myself...I'm also thinking of making a new pair of spectacles to make me look more lively...went passed that spectacles shop just now, after my classmates went home one by one. I didn't went in. I know it's not necessary. I walked along Orchard road alone for perhaps an hour plus...just looking at buildings and people...and went to HMV to look at some CDs and Action city for some designer products. I just wished that I wasn't alone...just wished that you were beside me...I'm very tired...these few days...so much work...so much thinking...think of you especially...

I'm not good enough...I know, I'll try to be better.........

~Kaze

Give up?

For the past few nights I've been unable to have a good sleep...once again. I kept thinking about things on a neutral point of view. Asking myself is what you said really giving me hope or you're just saying it. I asked myself, if you really do like me, you wouldn't have said this or that. I finally come up with a conclusion...it's just one sided...I thinked too much. I really getting tired...tired of waiting...we haven't been talking for a few days...and I really do miss you...but perhaps it's normal...I think I should stop doing things, trying to create opportunities...or perhaps trying to make myself feel not so "hopeless". I'm really tired...perhaps it's better to let you like me and not make you like me. You could've just rejected me...why did u said dunno but you dun want it now. And the things you said, am i really that not good enough. It really makes me think that it's impossible and want to give up. I think I should...and back to the time before all these happened. Perhaps I would be happier by secretly liking you. My vision suddenly went blurred while I'm typing this...eyes filled with water...a very very sad heart as I'm feeling now. This is the first time I'm feeling like this in my whole life...and it's really painful. I don't know why I'm crying, perhaps my heart has weaken, easily feel sad and scared...I'm weak.........too weak...

Sigh...I'm feeling very tired now...hope I can get a good sleep tonight.........

The path to your heart...

I'm so glad I'm able to see you again...and am really happy it lasted for so long. I really don't want the day to end so soon, that's why i suggested for a movie...But today I feel so...I don't know how to explain but thinking abt it makes my heart feel "sour". Why can't I be jealous? you said if boys made comments abt your friend, you'll just follow and won't be jealous. Yes that might be true, but question is, do you like the guy who made that comment? I'm so sad that our conversation ended right there. What da hell is wrong with me...? What da F**K is wrong with me...? Tell me, which part of me isn't good enough...? When I jokingly said that I want to die and dissappear from your life, I'm actually feeling that way. I've find the way to see you again...but I need to find the way to your heart and sees where it really lies.

Perhaps I should stop thinking of what you think because it's causing even more misunderstanding...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll wait for you, I will, until I know for sure what your heart says...

Hope...and...

I guess I'm starting to realise what's going on...you still can't let him go. You keep telling me u miss him when u're drunk. I don't wanna see you being so unhappy, and tired every single day... Although you didn't actually said who u miss but I know. But there's nothing I can do...I don't even know who he is. However, as I said I won't ask you to stop thinking coz I know it's impossible...But I really wish to help, if there's any way...I'm trying my best to keep our conversation as lively as possible but I guess I still got alot to learn. I really wish to go out with you again...am so glad you asked. Guess there's still hope.

Two days ago, I was aboard a train with my friends and saw this guy sleeping like nobody business...but it was funny, trust me. The people in that particular carriage was laughing like mad, and wierd thing is, he still doesn't know. Esther can't help it but took a few little videos of him...haha...I took one too. And I actually spent the night joining and editing and put in Mozart music for babies as the background music. I got to apologize but I just had to put it on youtube to share the fun...haha. The link is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5riefufzIR8 or you can search for "asleep kaze" or "asleep on train." The title is "Asleep..." But pls do not report, I don't wanna get sued...HAHA.

Today, I woke up early in the morning to watch my newest DVD addition : Inside Man . As usual, I didn't regret buying it. It's a brilliant smart show that put you thinking a little. However, there're some things I don't really understand...like the term "Nazis". So I search on the internet and found out that Nazi is actually an abbreviation for National Socialist Political Party led by hitler...WOW. Haha. Anyway it's a nice show, everyone should watch it. And I loved the music at the start and end of the show...Such a wonderful match...haha "Chaiyya Chaiyya" from bollywood de...surprised? Yeah it's an indian song but it matches and even made the opening of the show one of the best I've seen. I'm now listening to it while typing this...lol I actually downloaded it.

After I watched the show, I rushed to school for my orientation and received my timetable finally after a two hour talk. I can't say I'm unhappy with my time-table but I ain't very happy with it either. A packed monday with 4 hours worth of break in total...What da fuck am I gonna do in that 4 hours? well a tuesday with only 1 to 3pm lesson is good but why must it be in the middle of the day? A wednesday and thursday with only two session on each day is fine...But the best day is no doubt friday, lesson starts at 9, ends at 10, one hour break and go auditorium for a one hour lecture from 11 to 12 noon. Afterwhich, I'm free to go...haha, but that also makes me think if I wanna start working again, on friday sat. Perhaps it's god's will that I have to work and that's why I was given that kind of schedule for friday...haha...hey, wait a min, when did I become a christian? OMG, must be the medicine...lol...just kidding.

Haizzz, I'm so sian and tired too, just like "you"...but who do I tell that to...?

Wish to forget, but wish to continue.

I'm writing this, assuming that it's still tuesday. Sigh, yesterday I went out with Esther and Wei qi, initially to make our EZ-link card...but let's just say it didn't went so smoothly. So we continue our shopping, or esther's at orchard. We had long john silver for lunch and esther suggested to take neo prints, which me and wei qi isn't very keen of. For me is becoz of money and i seldom take also. Anyway, we went ahead and took with two different machines and we've had fun...well perhaps not wei qi. I'm going out everyday trying to forget as much as possible about what happened last week. I did forget about it when I'm outside, but once in a while i check back on my phone to see if there's any messages. However, when i reach home, I'll rush to switch on my computer looking for your email to be online on my msn. When I'm lying on bed, I kept thinking...about many things...until I can finally fall asleep. I hope to forget because it's very painful to keep thinking whenever I'm awake. But i wish to continue thinking and not forget all about you. I don't know what should I do. But you seems to know...and we seems to talk lesser than before. Why is this happening? Was it a bad decision to tell you all that? I just thought I should let you know. Well perhaps I was wrong. I just wished everything had went on smoothly...

Why?

Why must you give me bits and pieces of hope but then shattered them one by one? Perhaps I haven't know you enough... Do you even notice how those little words you said had hurt me so deeply? Why? I only wanted to ask you out...

Or have I mistaken everything from the start? You actually weren't hinting anything at all...? I can't help but keep thinking that way even though i don't want to...I really don't want it to end like this...cause it's only just beginning. I really want to think that you do feel the same way. I really do. But you're not letting me...

I'm really not being myself these few days, the optimism me seems to be gone...or perhaps this is the true me?

I really wish to know how you feel...like I've told you...I really do, But why aren't you answering...even if the answer is no, why can't you give an answer? It just makes me think that there's still hope. And I know i may not talk alot But why can't you give me a chance. I'll talk more...you don't expect me to act like you're just another friend, do you?

It's strange, the more I want you to talk to me, the more I'm afraid you will say something that makes me even more disappointed...I really wish I could get a glance at your diary to see if there's even any slightest things mentioned about me...

I'm so sadded...hurt, and disappointed...

What exactly is happening?

Just yesterday, I've said all those things to you, but why can you pretend like nothing happen? Once again you didn't gave me an answer when i asked again. You said you don't want now, then stop saying things that will make me mistaken...I'm so confused...what exactly do you want me to do? Don't pretend like nothing happen but yet kept saying things like you're hinting something...I'm just so not good at playing mind games... Today you asked me why i woke up so early, but in fact i can't really sleep...I lied on the bed for more than 3 hours before i can really fall asleep...I just can't help but kept thinking of what you'll be thinking after what I've said...

Then when I'm awake, I know I had to go out and take a walk in order to stop thinking about it. And i find a friend of mine and went out...thinking that you might never contact me anytime soon. But yet you messaged me like nothing really happened...but that message made me think that you're hinting something by calling me that...and in the following few message after that, you said you want " " when I asked you what you want...which made me even more confused. I'm so lost.........

Should I continue or forget about you...?
I'll find a way...to see you again......

Sigh...maybe I should start writing diary...like you do...cause I really don't want anyone to read this......

argghhhhhh!!!!!!! It's just so complicated...

I'm so lost......

Today, I said something to someone i never thought i would ever had the courage to said it...But I at lost after seeing the reaction...or rather I've never really thought what the reaction will be...I really don't know what to do now...What should I do next? Is that a yes or a no? What exactly is "anything"? I'm blasting the speaker off my com right now...listening to a song named "I'll find a way"...I really hope I'll find the way......
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even though there's no one at home, I really don't wish to shout it out, perhaps on my blog is fine...

I'm so lost......but pls, if there's really anyone reading this...don't ask...I rather you pretend nothing happened...and you've read nothing...Coz I really don't want to say it. I hate people who always ask "are you in love?, you like who...etc" just because they see this type of things...Don't you think people will tell you when they want to and not when they're prompt to????? For heaven sake if you're those kind of people, GET LOST! My blog doesn't require you, or rather doesn't require anyone to read...It's just for myself!! Damn you!

~I missed the good old days...but I look forward to my everchangable future...

Thanks.

~Kaze

Finally some music......

Finally added some music to my blog...
yea...in case you're wondering, this is the type of songs i listen to...haha. Anyway, must wait for it to load for a short while......Sigh, got nth to do, so wierd, i'm not even tired...it's already 5.35 am when I'm typing this...sigh...thinking of lots of things...I wonder who reads my blog...i wonder what is my future like...i wonder if I'll be alone for the rest of my life...i wonder if anyone likes me...i wonder at wad age will i die...i wonder how everyone i've knew since i was a baby is doing now...i wonder if they'll be more successful than me...i wonder if i chose the right path...i wonder what i'll do if i got lots of money...i wonder what you think of me...i wonder lots of things...well, you might be wondering when am i gonna stop...haha......

Anyway, this is a photo of my group of friends...haha...so few...i find this photo quite nice...so i edited it, gave it a little contrast...and vuola...i really love it. In case you don't really know me...I'm the one at the bottom right......

Thanks

~Kaze

Shooting star...

That day, at the small class gathering, as usual, i walked behind the group, while they're busy talking...Am I really missing something, not mixing with the group like always...? Well, perhaps not, guess what i saw when i look into the sky...a shooting star...Oh my god, my first time seeing a shooting star...well it's like nth u've seen on tv for sure, it's not like a comet or wad. It's just a fast moving star...that's all. Well I'm so eager to tell my classmates that i forgot to make a wish...I did regret for a moment back there...but then again, who proves that wish made upon seeing a shooting star will definitely come true? Haha...perhaps it's just a "rumour has it..." but no harm trying eh. Sigh...if you really saw a shooting star and had to make a wish within that 1 second, what will it be? I don't know either, but perhaps I'll wish for that "someone" to appear bah...lol...School's starting in one month plus time...and I'm starting work today...after resting for two weeks...but I plan to tell my manager ltr that i'll be quitting in three weeks time, which is 9 July...hope he approves...or rather...he had no choice, haha, he said must give two weeks notice and i gave three weeks notice, I'm quitting for sure...until I know for sure that i can cope with my school work......sigh...What is life? Life is what you want it to be......

free......as a bird......

~Kaze

Wasting time?

Even as I'm working now 6 days a week, and earning money, i feel like I'm missing something and wasting my time. Working everyday, doing the same thing everyday, and tiring myself everyday, what's the point, it used to be keeping myself occupied, but now i guess it's for the money, coz i got lots of things i want to buy. LCD tv with dvd player built-in, A new phone(probably samsung z710), Laptop(which i don't even know if i wanna buy an imac or normal windows...). But i know i can only buy one of the three. Do I really need a tv inside my room, watching my own dvd and playing my games all inside my room? or do I need a new phone that I'm probably just envy of others having a better phone. But mine isn't that bad, samsung e720, It's only been one year since its release and it has a 1 mega camera and mp3 which i can't listen now due to my earphone or something spoilt, which i'm not too sure abt, but can't listen with earphones. Or do I need an imac laptop for my school work in the future after i start school in july? or even if i need a laptop, shld i buy a difficult to use and expensive imac but ideal for doing my grpahic work, or a normal cheaper windows laptop which is more user-friendly but vunerable to virus? But do I really need all those? I only hav 1000 left in my atm acc. It's only enough for either phone or tv now. still far away from laptop, and in the following days i still need to withdraw some money to use...Should i just quit my job and enjoy chilling out with friends before school start or should i keep working like a cow and earn that 600++ a month? I dun wanna miss the fun, coz i know after i start school there'll be stress and not much time for fun and after which i will go for national service and work after that...what's the fun? And I'm currently sick but have to go to work later, why? coz I've still not decided. I want to get a one week break next week, hope it'll be approved. I'm really tired of working so damn hard, and earn that mere 600++ a month...I wanna wake up late, go out enjoy, come home early, sleep early...and not like now...waking up so early in the morning to get to work until 12++ in the night and reach home after that just to sleep and repeat the cycle the second day..."what's the point? I wonder..."

My Drunkest Day...

It might not be the first time I drank alcohol but it certainly is my drunkest day. That Saturday, my manager, alex, organised a farewell party for the philippines staff who've been with Outback for the past one year. I've not been with them for a really long period, only about 3 months, but they're really all good ppl and good employees. Even now, I'm still kinda sad they have to go back because their attachment is over and they have to go back to school. Back to that day, we had free-flow of alcoholic drink...and of course I've had some Long Island and Tequila. And carlsberg after that. I went on top of the bar top dancing, although i didn't quite know how to dance. But well, just have fun man! and I dunno why i feel so sad that i cried, perhaps partly due to the stress and confusion I'm having for the past weeks --- worrying about school issue. The fact that i appeal for visual comm at tp and they told me it was unsuccessful because I've accepted the course offered to me. I mean, "wad the fuck is that?" and I've applied for laselle and have to go for an interview which i didn't know if i can make it at that time, and i didn't wanna withdraw from the course I've enrolled in tp and ended up with no where to go. I was really confuse back then and i cried really hard...luckily there was Jordan, one of the 4 going back to phillippines. He talked alot to me and i felt much better after that...sitting on the bar, spilling all my worries out. Even after I've told that my interview was successful after going for the interview yesterday, I'm still confuse. Because my father dun hav so much money for me to attend school in Laselle-SIA. And keep wanting me to go appeal through my useless Jurong GRC's MP again tomorrow night. And i had to withdraw from my course either today or tmrw. Because next monday is the start of the school term already and the service centre dun operate on Saturday and Sunday. I guess I'll just go withdraw tmrw. Anyway, I really enjoyed that day, dancing, drinking, talking, and of course...vomiting...everyone had fun i guess, and Snow really crap alot that day, and keep telling ppl he's not drunk and slapped many ppl. HAHA. But was expected, after having 20 oz of Long Island...and lots of Tequila, Vodka......lol. I still remembered he said that although he had no girlfriend, but he has alot of good friends...haha. I guess that's true, girlfriend isn't really that necessary, perhaps a crush is enough...I'm really feel bad i left them so early, at about 4am, but I was really having strong headache. And I really didn't feel like quitting anymore after that day. But after I was once again chased away by our proprietor, Sooria, who has returned from US, yesterday when i went to Outback. He could have just told us not to talk to the other staffs. But instead, he told us to leave if we weren't eating anything. I dunno how he can become or even have the professionalism to become a proprietor, I guess it's all by relation...As in all our bosses from all over the countries all Blacks, indian, Da Bian, or wadever u call them. I really am racist, i know. But that's me, and I'll just call him Da Bian Wang as long as i want to. Man, I really hate him. Hypocrite, only know how to PLP to customers. Wad a fucker...I don't care how sad is his life but I just hate him. And the sales of our restaurant hasn't been good, and to the extend that it's really nv been that bad, ever since he came back... I guess all the bad luck is with him. Sigh, i really enjoy working without the pressence of him. I kept telling us that our pressence will affect the other staffs and disrupt them. But in actual fact, It's his very own pressence that will affect the staff's working attitude and abilities. It's like you'll think twice when you see mugs that are not on your table uncleared, whether to help clear them or not. In other words, if you treat us like a family, we'll feel much better helping you. Like he used to ask me to help him with something on my lunch time, but i just told him i had to eat, in a very rude manner, and just went out of the restaurant. If he had treated us like a family, i might just help him. Really dunno if i want to continue working there anymore......

Sigh...so much things happening......

~Kaze

Once again...

Once again, i've gone back to Outback when it's my off day(monday, yesterday). I went back and had lunch with other servers(waiters) on their break time...Then when they started work, I sat on the bar drinking my jug of "best-friend's" ice lemon tea...lol, by our dearest Snow(Snorlax, wei chien). He's well-known for his skill of making lemon tea...lol. And just help them abit by doing some roll-up. We then went to hav supper together and chat till 1st train in the morning...haha...which is the time i always get to know something more between some of them...like for example, get to know that our dear Snow used to be quite a perfect guy but had changed becoz he realised he always sorta get took advantage by his friends.

Sigh...I really hope someone can decide everything for my sometimes. Ah...feel like crying when typing this. I'm very confuse whether which course to take. I was posted to product design in tp, but now am waiting for my Member of parliament to get me into visual comm. But I know the chances can be very slim. And the school will start real soon and i need to withdraw out b4 that. I wanted to tell my father if I can't get into visual comm in tp, can i just go to laselle, and he will pay the poly amount, while i pay the outstanding amount for going to laselle. But i really dunno if i should. Becoz next time if i come out being unsuccessful, my father might just say i should hav took product design and not go into laselle which i MYSELF chose to. I know my interest should be with visual comm, but many ppl told me that product design can earn quite a decent amount next time and i really dun wish to earn very little. But after years doing DNT in secondary school, I'm kinda sick of it and running out of ideas for product. Damn, There are so many restrictions. So much specifications...

Why can't things just go smoothly and let me get into visual comm in tp in the 1st place so that i dun hav to choose...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything seems to UNSMOOTH, WHY? Hope i can have a smooth relationship next time...haha, which seems to be impossible...IF only there's this remote control that can let us tune our own life. Hmmmm, that'll be great.

Last of all, thank you for reading my post...and listening to my crap...really thank you for spending time to read my blog, whoever you might be.

Thanks
~Kaze

Working at Outback...

Working at Outback steakhouse(millenium walk) seems to be more than just a simple part time job...Don't know what's it that makes us go back to Outback even if it's our off-day. I'm not the only one, but alot of people seems to go back even when it's their off day. And yesterday we secretly went to our manager's(alex) house without Bob(one of the waiters) knowing. Just to give him a birthday surprise...hiding inside our manager room...throwing eggs at Bob...(at least seeing them doing that) and watching them play boxing at the nearby park...wahaha, quite fun. Makes me even more not wanting to quit this job. Actually quited long time ago. And said goodbye to everyone, even our proprietor...then was called back to work...wah damn pai seh lor...everyone ask, i thought you quit already? Then still tell everyone my last day...wah lol..

Thanks
~Kaze

It's been some time......

It's been some time since i post a new message. Coz i know nobody is even looking at my blog...

But well, I haven't typed alot since my friend's website closed down. (I've been writing lots of movies reviews there also) So, suddenly just feel like typing and writing what i think somewhere and so, thought of writing it here. Don't care whether anyone will look at it but i'll just write.

Sigh...it's been quite tiring for the past two weeks. Doing so much things just to get into a course in temasek poly that i don't even know if it's the right course for me now...which is good? I've always been asking me that but no clue at all.

Initially, maybe after my 'o' lvl exam, on vacation, i wanted to do interior design. And had a very strong force driving me towards it. But as days passed by, I sorta lost that strong force and started to wondered if i will do well in that course. I think one of the reason i chose that course was because that was the only DESIGN course my father thinks will allow me to do well next time when i'm out working. However, I started to think that the work i did throughout the year 2005(most) were more towards Visual communication, which is graphic design(2D work). And perhaps that's what i want to do. I can't decide between these two until that day, the second day of Lunar chinese new year. My Aunt and Uncle all came to my house. And as usual, they will ask about me, "what are you doing now?" "oh, working, working as wad?" blah blah blah...surprisingly, I got quite alot to say to them, to my forth Aunt especially. I actually thought they were naggy and irritating last time when they asked about my things. But I didn't know why I didn't feel that way now...but feel good after having the conversation with them. Perhaps, that's why parents always tell us that "When you grow up next time, you'll understand". Anyway, i was asked what course i want to go into when my result comes out and i told my forth aunt about the interior design thing. She told me interior design isn't very good. and that's all, It's dinner time. My forth Aunt went out of the room to the dining table together with my other Aunt and Uncle. She then told my seventh Aunt and Uncle, which both studies graphic design, that I want to go into interior design. They both immediately said that Don't go interior design, not good. They told me I'll have to compete with ah beng ah seng who can design and do renovation BUT are able to charge at a lower price which I CAN'T. That's when i realise what they say might be true. So, i wanted to ask them abt graphic design, but before i could, they told me Product design will be good for a design course. At least come out sure got job. And Product design eventually came into one of my consideration. However, perhaps i'm tired of facing machines and staying in the workshop whole day due to my DnT subject in secondary school, so I didn't quite like this course.

But guess what? My result came out and i got 18 points for L1R2B2(for going into poly courses) and I was posted to Product and industrial design(my 5th choice). My 1st was Visual communication(graphic design), and 2nd was interior design despite the warning. And eventually, i went to appeal for visual communication ONLY. and was called up to go for interview last tuesday together with one of my friends who wanted to go into that course too. But the person who interview us criticise all our work and I actually spent more than half an hour inside that room with her, trying to tell her that I WANT VISUAL COMMUNICATION AND NOT PRODUCT AND INDUSTRIAL DESIGN which she kept asking me to accept. I was kind of disheartened after that interview. So i just proceed with my registration with product and industrial design which i'm suppose to do before 27 march. I then went for pre-enrolment medical exam at Shenton medical group at tanjong pagar. I was told to go collect the report on 27 march afternoon and to call before i go. I did what was told yesterday after collecting a cheque from my secondary school and returning my folio at the same time. I was then told my report will be ready only after 4pm. And so, i went there at 4.30pm and i was told that my report is not ready. I was very angry of course but just didn't express it out. I told them i was told to come after 4pm. And guess wad the hell they say? They just look at each other and say, "dunno? never receive...", and the gal at the registration booth told the other to go check inside maybe with other ppl. But that bitch just told her, "dunno, dun hav..." and didn't even look at me when she say that. No apologise or anything. AND just told me, "MAYBE tomorrow..." It's not like I'm unreasonable or what, but...i mean, What the hell is this??? Make people come down for nothing and can't even apologise and cannot even confirm the collection date. HAIZZZ...feel so agitated typing this...

Anyway, just reformated my com two days ago, now it's left very empty...but much faster... I just message my manager yesterday asking him if i can don't work for this week. Perhaps go for bbq steamboat this saturday which we've always wanted long time ago. But can only all make it on friday saturday, due to "My best friend" studying in PJC now and got homework everyday...OMG I would hav exploded if I were him.

I know this is a long post but the main purpose of this is to just type everything out. So, if really there's anyone happen to want to read my blog...haha, sorry to you but they're all in one chunk for now.

~Kaze